oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
