and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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