Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
