i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
