she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
