so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
