Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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