normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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