forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
