Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize