So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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