There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
