Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize