just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You can't just leave with hair like that
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
