Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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