I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
