I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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