whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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