He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
