i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
