Your mouth is God's brothel.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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