Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
