I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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