I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
