i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
