dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
