If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize