hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
