brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
