It's Friday. Sex?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
