Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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