im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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