Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
