wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
