if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
