I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
