Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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