i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
