My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
