are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
