drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
