I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my liver is dry heaving
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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