Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
