I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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