Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the day after is always just damage control
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
