I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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