better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
