I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
