took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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