Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize