Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
