she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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