Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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