my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
