did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
