yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I deserve this hangover.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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