Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, beer. Big fan.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
