he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
