Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
