I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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