I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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