my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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