what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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