She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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