I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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