connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
