I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
