my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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