Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
