i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
