Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
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